Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
