whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
