So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
