Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
