i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
