I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
