Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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