My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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