at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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