i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
