Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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