this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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