Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i've created a new STD.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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