I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
