So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
