Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
