Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
