i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
