and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
