if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
