she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I need to stop coming to work sober
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
