White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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