the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We got so high we made milksteak
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
