I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
