This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
