Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
