Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
