i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
