I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
