ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
