What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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