I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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