I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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