3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
