I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
