Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
