This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
