is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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