Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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