im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
