I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
