Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
