Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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