so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
