oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize