so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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