y did u give ur computer a hand job?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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