I just pynch a tree in the face
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
