to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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