just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
