My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
