I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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