i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
