you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
