i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
