I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize