it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
