We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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