Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
