Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
