Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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