Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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