Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
