Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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