remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
