the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize