What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
