My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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